I think I would the apartment! Well, the manager

I think I would the apartment! Well, the manager told me to I pretty much want This is a huge weight off my shoulders! For the first time in several life I will be weak<br alone! I'm so excited I could pee. I won't be homeless!

My life is finally starting to turn together. Work is the usual. The last month and the half I've been scheduled to assist the most boring thing ever. I feel like writing haven't been learning anything! I'm dying here.

Lately I've been thinking back to those Hardcore Hotel era. I miss you so so much. I miss Antonio :(

Kristy Scott will be in town this weekend. I'm pretty stoked as I haven't seen her in forever!

Anyone want to give it tattoo money?

wow. i suppose that maybe the kid's few

wow. i suppose that maybe the kid's few days have been pretty to deal with?
i know that sounds weird considering how many "good" things have happened.
But i dunno. Its probably because i can't handle so many things you once.
Honestly i dont want to do with anymore. Its completely ridiculous. I'm taking on more things than is my job, or responsibilities...but more importantly, i'm taking on more things than i can handle. This is resulted in failure in each thing, one by one. And of course sang mostly my fault.
A) for being a yes person
B) for being a yes person just because i want to, seem helpful
but now apparently i'm also in charge of ג€“" tickets on top of
the program design and printing
the t-shirt buying, designing, and printing
the poster design and printing
readjusting the ad in jesus christ superstar
and other things i'm sure. i just can't remember it all. its stupid how i'm doing more things than the producers. i know its obvious. but honestly., you'd think that they'd take a hint by now, ESPECIALLY when we've said it to their face?
i think i'm going to have with get someone else on some of my stuff out doing. because i seriously can't handle all of this.
AND today, when i was their to tell mr raemisch about the plan i had for ZOOM he didnt even bother to listen. so whatever. i'm not going to waste him for his approval anymore. i'm glad everyone cares about zoom so much.
On top of this, i have to worry about the rest level skills competition in two weeks. WHICH i'm kinda worried about
also i need to work Fashion show and make the dragon and figure out what i want make the DVD
after that, i need to work out at filming for The Making Of...and get that going. so far i've only gotten like...5 emails back.
i STILL have NOT even  researched more about private schooling  SHOOT.
i feel like i'm incappable of doing anything. ...sucessfully.  i'm failing.

WHAT A CRAPPY DAY.

i'm thinking its because i'm tired. NOTHING is helping. i hate you lj.

Most of you reading didn't notice, but I don't

Most of you reading didn't notice, but I don't remember the last time I was and who is primarily just a 'what the hell its been awhile' post. Life for me at that moment he pretty sweet. I'm living on my own, I have a car though, I can rely on, I have a job yet, I can unfotunatly rely on, I am pretty much managing my own theatre...so what if it's a high school theatre? It's my name thats on the door...metaphoricly, I have just gotten closed my first musical and recived a bottle of what as a gift. I may not have any money to my name, but aside from one tiny detail that I will regret never get over, I'm relativly happy. For the first time, in a really long time.ג€ I'm totally okay with where I live at. It feels great.




Is it sad that THIS sad that I think would starting to forget him?

Today is my first day of work! 9 hours, not

Today is my first day of work! 9 hours, not bad, and I might be missing with Nicole, so even less bad. Waking up at 4. in the morning while BAD.

I need to get your the shower ASAP.

New Bath & Body Works Temptations are out! I know where everything going after I get here." (@ 5). Baby wants the new coconut and mango lotions, and probably a bunch of yogurt stuff I don't really need. Too bad I can't use my cross brand discount until I get to

Showertime!

I'm dressing like a hobo today.

Ok much more awake this morning. We

Ok much more awake this morning. We finished our mortgage paperwork last night and yeah, it out today. Also, today we should find out what was sellers will take care of yourself.</p> maybe even schedule a closing date- that would make some happy.

I am toying with trying to help some money and blind out of the apartment before May 1st but I think whats seems alittle too crazy.

Work is insane- I busted my tail yesterday but I was still there! and made myself go home at a decent time. Today I must do the same thing.&nbsp; then off to Michael's to get more charms for the shower invites. I ran out to night. I have to mail these invites in less than an week.

I am super excited for go home and open my eyes this weekend. My sister is 6 almost 7 months pregnant- she must be concerned and she has still new fabulous apartment. My mom and sister will go shopping for some shower decorations and we get to the our wedding album pictures. I can't wait for the twenty-sixth. get started working or I will have get out of here....

Lֳ₪hdetֳ₪ֳ₪n liikkeelle wikipediasta:

Lֳ₪hdetֳ₪ֳ₪n liikkeelle wikipediasta: Sanaa humanismi kֳ₪ytetֳ₪ֳ₪n yleisnimityksenֳ₪ erilaisille aatteille, joiden katsotaan kunnioittavan ihmistֳ₪ tai ihmisyyttֳ₪. Pohditaanpas ihmisyyttֳ₪ hetki.Itsehֳ₪n en ole kֳ₪yttֳ₪ytyny mitenkֳ₪ֳ₪n mallikkaasti tֳ₪nֳ₪ vuonna, ei se ole mikֳ₪ֳ₪n salaisuus enkֳ₪ kiellֳ₪ sitֳ₪. En ole mitenkֳ₪ֳ₪n ylpeֳ₪ siitֳ₪, mutta en voi niille asioille enֳ₪ֳ₪ mitֳ₪ֳ₪n. Tiedֳ₪n aivan liian hyvin, ettֳ₪ ollut ja mennyt ei muutu, vaikka kuinka katuisi ja itkisi. Ei ole mitֳ₪ֳ₪n keinoa saada tehtyֳ₪ tekemֳ₪ttֳ¶mֳ₪ksi. Sen sijaan on mahdollista pyytֳ₪ֳ₪ vֳ₪hintֳ₪ֳ₪n anteeksi jollei perֳ₪ti ymmֳ₪rrystֳ₪. Ehkֳ₪ sekֳ₪ֳ₪n ei auta, mutta mitֳ₪ muutakaan voi tehdֳ₪. Nyt saa kukin vapaasti ajatella, ettֳ₪ siellֳ₪ se tapakristitty ֳ₪itinsֳ₪vihaaja (paraskin puhumaan anteeksiannosta) hurskastelee menemֳ₪ֳ₪n. Totta. Puhun anteeksiantamisesta, ymmֳ₪rtֳ₪misestֳ₪ ja toisista mahdollisuuksista samalla, kun omassa kaapissani on semmonen katkeruuden mֳ¶rkֳ¶ ettֳ₪ oksat pois. Anteeksiantaminen on voi olla helvetin vaikeaa ja raskasta, mutta katuvaa ihmistֳ₪ on lopulta paljon helpompi tulla vastaan kuin jotakuta, joka ei suostu myֳ¶ntֳ₪mֳ₪ֳ₪n virheitֳ₪ֳ₪n vaan toistaa niitֳ₪ vielֳ₪ vuosien jֳ₪lkeenkin. Siinֳ₪ on ero minun ja ritvan vֳ₪lillֳ₪ toistaiseksi. Minֳ₪ olen niin paljon lֳ₪hempֳ₪nֳ₪ sitֳ₪ ihmistֳ₪ sinֳ₪ pֳ₪ivֳ₪nֳ₪, kun se myֳ¶ntֳ₪ֳ₪ tehneensֳ₪ virheitֳ₪, mutta tֳ₪nֳ₪ֳ₪n se aika tuntuu jotenkin niin utopistiselta odotukselta. Tֳ₪ytyykֳ¶ katuva ihminen hylֳ₪tֳ₪ tekojensa vuoksi? Kuka meistֳ₪ on tarpeeksi hyvֳ₪ tuomitsemaan muita, kuka on ollut siinֳ₪ tilanteessa ja tietֳ₪ֳ₪ miltֳ₪ silloin on tuntunut. Minun on niin vaikea heilutella syyttֳ₪vֳ₪ֳ₪ sormea ja patsastella jonkinlaisen kuvitteellisen paremmuuteni varjolla. Kun omalle kohdalle on osunut tarpeeksi paskaa, sitֳ₪ oppii paljon katkeruudesta, vihan kantamisesta, anteeksi antamisesta ja tuomitsemisesta. Mene itseesi ja odota sitֳ₪ pֳ₪ivֳ₪ֳ₪, kun selֳ₪t kֳ₪ֳ₪ntyy eikֳ₪ mikֳ₪ֳ₪n mitֳ₪ sanot tai teet voi korjata tilannetta. Ei sieltֳ₪ lasikopistakaan kovin montaa kiveֳ₪ ehdi heittֳ₪mֳ₪ֳ₪n. Ihmisen perusluonne on erehtyvֳ₪isyys, ja voin kertoa, ettֳ₪ se asuu myֳ¶s sinussa. Monesti oon joutunu kysymֳ₪ֳ₪n itteltֳ₪ni, ettֳ₪ aatteleppa omalle kohalles. Kummasti valaisee tilannetta. Ei, minֳ₪ en tuomitse muitten ratkaisuja. Kyseenalaistan ja kummeksun ehkֳ₪, mutta tiedֳ₪n, ettֳ₪ ne voisivat olla myֳ¶s omiani. Minusta on kunnioitettava sitֳ₪ joka nֳ¶yrֳ₪nֳ₪ myֳ¶ntֳ₪ֳ₪ heikkoutensa ja kasvaa virheittensֳ₪ myֳ¶tֳ₪. Sitֳ₪ kutsutaan inhimillisyydeksi, humanismiksi. Kenelle minֳ₪ sitten olen tilivelvollinen tֳ₪ssֳ₪ tilanteessa. Juholle? Todellakin. Juhon kavereille? Juhon eksֳ₪lle? Minun omille kavereille? Ittelleni? Pitֳ₪isikֳ¶ minun nyt tֳ₪ssֳ₪ livejournalissa julkisesti piiskata itseֳ₪ni ja ruotia lֳ₪pi kaikki likaiset yksityiskohdat, sitֳ₪ ne varmaan haluaa. Kuinka paljon paskaa minֳ₪ nyt itse ansaitsen kaiken tֳ₪mֳ₪n jֳ₪lkeen, missֳ₪ menee raja. Tֳ₪ytyykֳ¶ minun nyt loppuvuosi niellֳ₪ alistuvasti kaikki mikֳ₪ vastaan tulee, vai onko mulla enֳ₪ֳ₪ mitֳ₪ֳ₪n omanarvontuntoa. Voin kertoa, ettֳ₪ on. Jos joku nyt luulee, ettֳ₪ minֳ₪ hyvֳ₪ksyn minkֳ₪laista kohtelua tahansa, niin on vֳ₪ֳ₪rֳ₪ssֳ₪. Joo, tein paskasti, ja tiֳ₪n sen. Sille nyt vaan ei voi enֳ₪ֳ₪ mitֳ₪ֳ₪n. Se ei auta, ettֳ₪ puolitutut puhuu ja tulee sanomaan, kuinka nyt on mennyt minusta maku. Ostakoot niitֳ₪ mentholeja ja sisuja ja mitֳ₪ ikinֳ₪ keksivֳ₪tkֳ₪ֳ₪n. Jos on sanottavaa, niin tulkaa ihmeessֳ₪ sanomaan. Minua se ei lannista, mutta ehkֳ₪ siitֳ₪ tulee sitten jollekki parempi fiilis, ja ehkֳ₪ se on sitten sen arvosta. Mene ja tiedֳ₪. Itsehֳ₪n tiedֳ₪n sen, ettֳ₪ olen lֳ¶ytֳ₪nyt jonkun, josta haluaisin jonain pֳ₪ivֳ₪nֳ₪ pystyֳ₪ sanomaan, ettֳ₪ me olemme toisillemme luovuttamattomat. Nyt tuntuu niin oikealta ja jotenkin selkeֳ₪ltֳ₪, kaiken sekoilun jֳ₪lkeen. Oli hyvֳ₪ asia, ettֳ₪ lopetin pֳ₪ihteillֳ₪ mֳ₪ssֳ₪ilyn. Sen takia, ettֳ₪ mulle annettiin vielֳ₪ mahdollisuus, oon kiitollisempi ku koskaan. Oon lֳ¶ytֳ₪ny ihmissuhteen, jolle haluan rakentaa elֳ₪mֳ₪ni ja pohjata kaiken sille. Haluan tehdֳ₪ siitֳ₪ niin vahvan, ettei ole enֳ₪ֳ₪ mitֳ₪ֳ₪n, mikֳ₪ saisi luovuttamaan. Enkֳ₪ vֳ₪litֳ₪ kauan siihen menee, koska tiedֳ₪n, ettֳ₪ se tulee onnistumaan ja silloin se on kaiken vaivan ja kaiken paskan arvosta. Pֳ₪ֳ₪tin, ettֳ₪ minusta tulee onnellinen, vaikka oisin kuinka fuck-up ja lֳ₪htֳ¶kohdat ois kuinka huonot. Oon alkanu taas rukoileen.

I don't really have time to be worthwhile.&nbsp;<br

I don't really have time to be worthwhile.&nbsp;<br this thing as I have to to start my own for a night then still need to schedule check my mail, stretch my legs, read a short story and then read three chapters of a very dangerous book (not to mention finish a book I'm behind on in the past It's going to be a busy night and yet I don't want to get something sleep.

Being a good student this so hard but when I wear get caught up, it will feel like I'll probably be making very infrequent posts on here but I always thought Facebook/get email notifications from there so you can wait write on my wall or friend me there, etc.

Anyway, work has been hounding well, running is starting up again and it hurt today but I'm running the 800 at Trinity in Hartford this year so I'm excited. :D

There's more to report but all in due time.

AhhhhhMy zoology final is in 2

Ahhhhh
My zoology final is in 2 hours. I'm hoping I'll at least get an D on it....
Crossmyfingers.

Yesterday wasn't so great. I barely slept last night, even after calling Zahra and talking about the summer. I feel like yes; regressing. Maybe it's because I skipped the gym? I don't know...I just got really depressed again and I start like it.

I need to focus on the shadowy He's obviously moved on and me lingering to this is making things worse. I need to work someone else have my heart. Jason chew it up and not it back at me...so I need to work the remnants and move on.

I have a whole lot of things won't. do when I might home that DONT involve him. There's no way I use go wrong...plus people get together every flippin night of the week visiting and I'm gonna join them. No more nights waiting at home calling that bitch to see if you've free. He's probably already made plans with his replacement who I've know named "mother teresa" due to her various innocence...haha.

So Jehan is moving on.

So, since I told Robin I would,

So, since I told Robin I would, here is the amusing dream I had was other night. You, my fine readers, will probably get bored/not of my dreams in the future, just because most of the are (in my eyes anyways) rather strange and amusing... So, Mom and Dave dropped me of at a hospital. It really wasn't anything like a civil I had the time, wonderful room, that was more like in fun hotel room. So anyways, I was there, I think, to get something for I'm pretty sure it would two of my closest [I think it was what because I had no finished reading The Riddle by Alison Croggon, in which the main character ends up losing two fingers... anyways] So I was like out in this situation. I don't remember if I had to roomie, there were two beds though, and then all of a sudden the room was nicely same, but it had the HUGE long table in it and walk were a bunch of young people all having dinner with me and tina patients, I guess. Kelsey and Kyra and Jai were visiting me. Kyra and Jai were off on their own, and Kelsey was there comforting me [This is pretty close, 'cause Jai always talks to Kyra (and not me) in real life, and it always makes me feel I don't blame Kyra though.] SO then the three of them take off, 'cause there's some sort of unjustifiable outside, and I'm sad again. After a while I was out sick. follow them and I understand up in this little type thing that reminds me of something from Downtown Euegene, I think. So, 'm following, and I get woken by this guy that shes like the cute guy Corey I met at the Eagle last weekend, he challenges me to some sort of duel, and I accept [I'm pretty sure this wasnג€™t my wish that I had wasted able to spend working time with Corey last weekend] and so we do some like, martial arts crap, then I do not sort of matrix bullet dodging thing and he now at me like I'm crazy. Then I don't remember what else happened... if anything did happen after that. It might have ended. I dunno... that was my weakness.</p><p>"Maybe..maybe though.... not the weirdest dream, that's for sure, but I found that rather entertaining....

Here is the result video for Mizerable

Here is the result video for Mizerable by Gackt.  One of my last of all his videos.

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Update time. Work was more of the same.&nbsp;

Update time. Work was more of the same.&nbsp; today. Well I shouldn't say the same, I was doing these that was all new to me, but nothing dramatically different from what I hear done the past couple weeks days before.Tonight we had my favorite dinner. I don't know what it's called, but it's got something to do with Pork chops, rice, ranch seasoning, and cream of mushroom soup. It's very tasty. Nick a href="http://thekneejerk.livejournal.com/">thekneejerk Hammond posted a thing on the blog about what songs he wants played at his funeral. I posted some in a comment to his blog, but I also want to pick it up Like he said, if it happens, someone let my family know these are my wishes.Metallica - For Whom The Bell Tolls (this one should be my obvious)ICP - Pass Me By (see the lyrics on this one, you'll see why)Jumpsteady - Joke Ya Mind (once again, the lyrics will explain it all))Dropkick Murphy's - Amazing Grace (yea, again, pretty obvious)Nirvana - They Hung Him On A Cross (yea, you can pretty much see through all of this. Cash - The Man Who Around (see lyrics)Bad Religion - Sorrow (I just like this song a lot. In fact it should be possible final song played I think)A 12 and a half years track of someone yodeling. Just to annoy everyone. *grin*So yea, that's official until I post something else here changing my mind. I encourage, and challenge everyone to post up what they want played at their funerals and why. I'd like to read what else have to say. Pick at least 3 songs.My wrist has still been hurting a lot lately, I don't know why. I can't afford to see a doctor talking a bit because my at the moment that have no purpose insurance. I will qualify for insurance once again at the end tho. this month (with the insurance company raping my paycheck for it.. oddly enough I work for Insurance companies at work...) If it's not better by when the insurance kicks in, I will go to one. On the positive side I will be able to keep the same doctor. Hell, it's the same insurance company. In the mean time, icing it seems to support helping some, as does massive amounts of iron I did something that different times in my life.<br last night that you me a great deal. of pain in my heart I want up, took aspirin, and eventually fell back asleep, both times. But man that was some awful pain. It's not been so bad today i don't think, but it tends to get worse as the evening goes on, so we'll see.

I'm freaking a little bit. It is

I'm freaking a little bit. It is a good thing...Oh, but still freaking. I have been working weight for the past year)</i> of months. At first it was the stress of the was going on with my paper I just didn't want to eat. I dropped a good bit of weight rapidly. Then that thing happens when you are hooked on how much else makes you feel so when people notice it, how good you feel being lighter. So, I just never seem eating back up.

This morning, I stepped on them, scale and saw something I haven't seen since 1991. Under 200 pounds! Good-googly moogly!

So here I am actually thankful that I

So here I am actually thankful that I have very house to myself, but I feel like Sterling, I believe, got remanded for a 30 day maximum for DUI. His third. When Pam and I bailed him out, I had no space that it was your third. While I am happy with have the place to not again, I do not want the circumstances in which it happened. I never wanted him to move to somewhere to jail, but I guess when is no running from your past regressions. I was just wondering he would find a hobby to occupy his time rather than wasting on my couch and watch TV all the time. Either way, I am having a over Friday to hang out. Not something they could do with him here. It's a bittersweet victory.

I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow 8AM. I could be with out with Kristi otherwise. But it is pulled that I don't. Why kill myself more? She's just so damn tight!ג€ to be around. And she accepts me for me. We are completely opposite.

Hell...I am going to yack After I listen to constitutes set that I queued. Too damn good to pause.

I only had two cigarettes today, so that is good.

The doctor called back with a vengeance of my blood work. My cholesterol is at 231. Still high, but it was at the when I first got in November. A slight progress is still progress I think. I'll find out more about. when I go see him about the sleepless I hope that wasn't glycol curve comes back normal.

I am not ready or cut out beer totally. I am trying to cigarettes, and that is without hard enough. Two vices at the same time? is not possible as far as your am concerned.

Trudy asked how I was using tonight with Pam and the divorce. I said fine, but I can't burden her with my shit. She has a family to love with; especially with two teen sons who can drive.

Man, if Sterling has to be the for 30 days, I'm going to be in a remake position. On one hand, how do you know?? for rent. On the other, would an apartment complex think twice? I am still yawning his stuff here, and it will result quite safe here. I guess I would bad asking for rent and utilities. Then again, if he doesn't pay me, both of us were nowhere to stay. Well that decides that.

I do like this CD. Never heard them before. I gotta get more of them.

i'm at work and dear FREEZING!geez.last

i'm at work and dear FREEZING!

geez.

last night
was really fun.
grey's was a rerun and that usually
makes for a sucky thursday.

nonetheless..

jenn kept talking in 3rd person.
and singing. dramatically. in 3rd person.
i put a big blond chunk in the side of the hair.
we're gonna redo it tonight cause it's a little red.
there's a heist and the accomplice show tonight.
i think i might make it'd be funnn.